daughters

"I think my parents and my grandmother expected different things from my brothers, especially my eldest brother, than from me. When we were in school, for instance, they were more pleased when my eldest brother did well than when I did. One time my grandmother talked to my father. I didn’t hear the conversation directly, but years ago I heard this from my sister. My grandmother told my father not to compliment me in front of my eldest brother. My grandmother was worried that he would feel bad about that and lose confidence.

"In contrast, my mother wanted me to be successful in education and do whatever I wanted. She never tried to get me to like cleaning house, cooking or sewing. My mother thought that if I were good at housekeeping then my life would be similar to hers. When my mother was growing up, she wanted to study, but she couldn’t do that because she had many younger brothers and sisters. She gave up her chance at an education for them. It’s her unaccomplished dream to study, and she thinks women have a right to learn.

"When I went to university, my grandmother started to change. Now we have a great connection with each other. She tries to understand me and appreciate what I am doing. I think I also understand her better. When she was growing up, she was not educated at an official school even though her father was the teacher. My grandmother’s brothers were highly educated, but my grandmother and her sisters were not allowed just because they were women. My grandmother’s dad said that if they were good at writing they would write love letters.

"Because of this, my grandmother taught herself how to read and write. Her life was like the life of the black girl I read about recently in a diary. She learned from the education of others. When other kids practiced what they’d learned in school, she tried to follow them by drawing in the earth. Now she says that it’s good to study even if the student is a woman. And on some points, I’ve discovered she has some very radical opinions. For instance, she told me women should not marry. If they marry, they become a kind of slave, so she thinks it’s better if they don’t."

	Document Revision: by easc@indiana.edu