Document Revision: by easc@indiana.edu
eldest sons"In Korean families the eldest son has many special responsibilities, including the care of his aged parents. Traditionally, eldest sons were expected to live with their parents. When the parents died, the house became the eldest son’s. A women who planned to marry an eldest son knew she was expected to care for her husband’s parents. If she wasn’t prepared to accept this responsibility, then she didn’t have the option to marry him. Nowdays, the custom is changing. A second or third son may take care of his parents. In my case, my eldest brother is poor. So my second eldest, who owns his own company, takes care of my mother. Despite the changes, many aged parents still live with their eldest son. |
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"Eldest sons also are responsible for hosting many annual celebrations, such as New Year’s Day and Korean-style Thanksgiving Day. In addition, they preside over annual memorial ceremonies for parents and grandparents who have died. When the parents die, the eldest son handles the funeral arrangements. He decides the location of the burial site, sends out letters inviting guests to the funeral ceremony and chooses the person to preside at the funeral service. Important decisions that affect the family also are decided by the eldest son, such as the purchase of a large piece of property. These important things are decided by the eldest son.
"If the family has several sons, the younger ones should give respect to the eldest son. Even if the eldest sons misbehaves as a child, the younger brothers won’t criticize him directly. Also, all the family members take care of the eldest son’s family by donating some money and giving some properties. In my family, my older brother provides his nephew (the eldest son’s eldest son) with all of the money he needs for school tuition.
"I think this custom has positive as well as negative points. It has helped build cooperation and consensus among Korean people, who have faced many difficult situations throughout their history, including invasion by other countries. A negative point is that eldest sons have a monopoly. If a second or third son has a more creative opinion, it does not get developed.
"From my perspective, I do not want anything from my kids. My eldest son has his own life to lead, and I have mine. Maybe I can drop in on my son’s house for certain days, but I don’t want to live with him. My wife has the same opinion."
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Document Revision: by easc@indiana.edu |