EASC Study Tour 2003: Topics of the Week #5

EASC Study Tour 2003: Topic of the Week #5

Japanese Etiquette and Customs
by Mayumi Nakano

Every culture has its own dos and don'ts. This topic introduces you to some Japanese etiquette and customs, but there are still so many things left out here. Although all of these are familiar notions for the Japanese, some people (especially young men and women) do not always observe them. Still, you may want to follow the rule, "When in Rome..." Don't be afraid to make mistakes because the Japanese tend to be quite tolerant with foreigners.

In General

It is customary for the Japanese to keep a handkerchief and tissue with them at all times. Many public restrooms do not have paper towels or hand driers (some toilets in stations do not have toilet paper). A handkerchief and tissue are also useful when you dine out because some restaurants do not provide paper napkins (you may be served a wet towel/napkin (oshibori), but it is usually taken away before you eat). Once you are in Japan, you probably do not have to buy any more tissue packets because they are often distributed on the street (most of them include advertisements of dating services, consumer credit businesses, etc.).
It is considered rude to blow your nose in public in Japan. Many Japanese usually go to a restroom or somewhere other people are not around. If they cannot leave the current spot, they turn their back toward people around them and do it as quietly as possible (they often do after situating themselves at the corner of the room). The Japanese usually do not use a handkerchief to blow their nose--they use tissue instead.
It is considered courteous to cover your month when you sneeze or yawn in Japan. Some Japanese women do the same when they laugh as well (this behavior is probably a relic from the older days when women were not supposed to show their teeth).
It is considered rude to point your finger at a person. Instead, politely gesture toward the person.
The Japanese generally avoid direct eye contacts because they could be taken as defiance or challenge. They shift their eyes or look down to show respect to another. You should be aware of this practice especially when you are on the street because the Japanese seldom smile or say hi to strangers (they may do that to foreigners, though).
Do not lean or sit on a desk or table, let alone put your feet on it. Since learning and eating are considered special, any objects or items that represent these concepts are traditionally treated with respect.
Many Japanese think clothing is a sign of one's background and social status. You may be judged by what you wear, so dress carefully!
The majority of Japanese are not fond of heavy cologne or perfume although many people, especially young ones, use it moderately. Also note that the young generation is very conscious of body oddor.
The average Japanese are educated not to overtly express their emotions (especially negative ones) in public. They tend to smile even when they are upset or embarrassed.

Social/Business Situations

As a general rule, the Japanese are always on time. If an event is to begin at 9:00, then they arrive at least a few minutes early to get themselves organized and be prepared to begin at 9:00 sharp. Likewise, they end an event usually at a prescribed time.
The customary greeting is the bow. The bow can convey a salutation, a hello, a good-bye, or an expression of thanks or sorry. If you are greeted with a bow, return with a bow as low as the one you received. How low you bow determines the status of the relationship between you and the other individual.
Some Japanese may greet you with a handshake. You should not misinterpret a weak handshake as an indication of character nor be too aggressive or excited shaking the hand of a Japanese person.
It is customary to exchange business cards (meishi) in a business meeting in Japan. The cards themselves are handled very carefully and respectfully. The business card are given and received with both hands. If you are giving your card, it would be best to present it facing the recipient so s/he can read it. You should take special care in handling cards that are given to you. Read them carefully even if you do not understand a word, and do not write on the card.
In Japan, gifts are presented and received with a sense of humility and respect. People give or receive the gift with both hands and a bow. Traditionally, gifts are not opened at the time they are received, but as a Westerner you might want or be expected to open the gift immediately. It would be best to ask if you may open it, and open it carefully and respectfully. Do not crumple up the wrapping paper, but fold it nicely. Material objects or items from someone are shown just as much respect as the person might be.
Traditionally, the Japanese do not show signs of affection in public. It is probably safe not to have forms of physical contact such as a hug or a kiss on the cheek with people you will meet in Japan because you may surprise and embarrass them.
The Western idea of "help yourself" rarely apply in Japan. The guest is careful not do sit, drink, or eat until the host has said "Dozo (please)."
It is common for the Japanese to toast ("kampai" in Japanese) with beer or sake at a party, but if you do not drink alcohol, you may do that with a soft drink. In a formal gathering, people pour drinks for each other (this is a traditional way of socializing). Don't pour a drink yourself, and try to fill other people's glasses. When someone serves a drink for you, hold your glass or cup with both hands (if it is on the table, lift it up). When you serve a drink for someone else, hold the bottle with both hands as well. Whatever drink you have, do not drink it directly from the bottle.

Indoors
Traditionally, the Japanese never wear shoes at home. They take off their shoes at the front door and leave them there. This custom is also observed in many ryokans (inns) and other places. In most traditional buildings (e.g. temples), you will be required to take off your shoes and carry them in the provided plastic bag--this is the only acceptable way of bringing shoes indoors. Since you will be without shoes, it is best to wear clean, relatively new socks with no holes although you may be provided a pair of indoor slippers.

Tatami
Tatami rooms are traditional Japanese rooms where the floor is covered with a number of tightly woven straw mats. Shoes or indoor slippers are not worn in tatami rooms. You are usually expected to sit on the floor, on the cushion called "zabuton." Do not roll your suitcase, etc. on the tatami mat or hang wet clothes over it because tatami easily gets damaged. Your room at the ryokan in Kyoto is a tatami room.

Toilets
Western-style toilets are available almost everywhere although you may come across some Japanese-style toilets (you squat facing the hood). Most of our hotels have western-style toilets equipped with a "washlet", which allows you to wash yourself with a gentle stream of warm water (it also allows you to dry with warm air instead of using toilet paper). The toilet is almost always separated from the bath in Japanese households, and separate slippers are provided (you are supposed to wear them just in the toilet and leave them inside the toilet door).

Bath
As mentioned above, the bath is separated from the toilet in Japanese households and ryokans. The bath usually consists of a dressing room and a bathing room, and you get undressed and leave clothes in the dressing room and enter the bathing room where you find a bathtub, a washing area, and probably a shower. You should also find a small stool you can sit on and a bucket you can use to scoop water. The most important rule is to keep the water in the bathtub clean. In order to do that, you are not supposed to enter the tub before washing and rinsing completely. Remember that the bathtub is used only to soak and relax, and all the other activities (shampooing, washing, etc.) take place at the washing area. Using a washcloth in the bathtub is a big no-no. You can scoop as much water as you need from the tub, but it is common courtesy to add some water for those who may use the bath later (also make sure to put the lid over the tub, if it is provided, to keep the water hot). The water in the public bath tends to be a little hot, so check the temperature before you get in. In the ryokan we will be staying, you will have two choices of bath: one is a tiny bath unit with shower in your room (you can use this one as you do in a western-style hotel although the setting is a bit different), and the other is the "family bath" which is big enough to accommodate more than one person (we did not check how many people can fit in at one time). In the latter, you can experience on a small scale of the Japanese tradition of public bathing (public bath houses have a long history). If you are interested in the family bath, be sure to make a reservation at the front desk so that they can prepare it for you (this would also prevent different groups from using the bath at the same time).

Appreciation of Food
Many Japanese (including myself) have been taught to appreciate what they eat and not to waste even one grain of rice. This teaching has been observed and preserved especially by the WWII generation who hardly had anything to eat when they were young--they like telling younger generations how hungry they were and how lucky we are now to be able to eat at all. When I was in elementary school, we were supposed to eat everything served in our school lunch. When we could not, we took some back home (we enjoyed feeding ducks and fish living in the neighborhood pond with our leftover bread), gave some to our classmates, or were left alone to eat as much as we could while other kids were out in the playground. The strange thing is that, as I recall, we all did this from our own consciences rather than orders from teachers or other adults (I do not remember any of my teachers forcing us to do any of those). Things have changed since then, and these days most Japanese seem to feel less guilty about leaving food. Still, be aware of the traditional Japanese mentality toward food and always act as sensitively as you can.

Appreciation of food is symbolically indicated by two phrases the Japanese say before and after a meal: "ita-da-ki-masu (I humbly receive)" at the beginning and "go-chisou-sama-deshita (thanks for the meal)" at the end. They may say these phrases by putting their palms together (as if in prayer). The phrases have no religious meaning, but they have connotations of giving thanks for food. You may want to try these phrases when you eat meals during school visits and homestay as well as at the ryokan.

Table Manners in General

It is proper to lift small bowls of rice or soup toward your mouth when you eat. You are bringing the food closer to your mouth, not bringing your mouth to the food on the table (this is called "the dog's way of eating"). You can drink soup directly out of the bowl.

For large pieces of food, separate the piece into small pieces with your chopsticks, or you just bite a piece off and put the rest back onto the plate.

Do not pour soy sauce on your rice. Other dishes are meant to flavor the rice as you eat.

It is traditionally considered proper to make some slurping noises while eating noodles. I could not make this sound when I was small, and my mother always told me that I was so bad at eating noodles that I would need more practice.

Chopsticks
When food is served in large serving dishes and no serving chopsticks are available, the Japanese usually use the clean top ends of their chopsticks and then reverse them when they eat. This is a common courtesy, but they probably do not practice this custom when eating with families and friends.

There are lots of don'ts for using chopsticks including the following (do not be overwhelmed because most of the offenses are usually overlooked; however, be aware of a couple of serious taboos at the end):

Do not pierce food with your chopsticks although it may be hard to pick up.
Do not hit table or utensils by your chopsticks like you hit a drum.
Do not pick up a dish with the hand that is holding your chopsticks (rest your chopsticks on the chopsticks holder if it is available).
Do not let your chopsticks wander above dishes to decide what to eat.
Do not draw any bowl or plate near with your chopsticks.
Do not point at anyone by your chopsticks.
Do not let your chopsticks stick out from your month without holding them.
Do not stick your chopsticks upright into your food, especially in your rice bowl (this is the way of offering rice to the dead). THIS IS A BIG DON'T.
Do not pass food from your chopsticks to somebody else's or vice versa (this is how the bones of the cremated body are picked up in Japanese funerals). ANOTHER BIG DON'T.

In Restaurants

In many restaurants (especially non-western ones), nobody take you to your table--just grab the table you like and wait there until you are served. Many restaurants have a menu available at each table, and the wait staff will approach you when you seem to be ready to order. Generally speaking, servers in Japan do not have territories (there is no tip involved), so you can speak to any one of them if you need anything. You can get their attention by saying aloud "Suimasen (Excuse me)" or waiving your hand, unless you are in a very fancy restaurant.
Do not expect free refill of drinks (sodas & coffee). However, water and Japanese tea (hot or cold) are usually free, so ask for refills politely if you want more.
Note from Anne: "Recently some restaurants have begun to offer what they call a 'drink bar' with soft drinks, coffee and tea. The price is usually just slightly more than one drink, and you can have as many refills and as many different drinks as you want. The drink bar may be offered only as a 'set' with a meal and not as an independent option."
The portions in Japanese restaurants tend to be much smaller than those in the U.S., but there may be occasions you cannot finish what you have ordered. "Doggy bag" is not a standard practice in Japan, and you probably will embarrass or puzzle your wait staff if you ask her/him to box up your leftover food (some restaurants refuse doing that in fear of potential food poisoning).
Your bill is usually brought with your meal. When you finish, take the bill to the cashier, pay there and leave.

Miscellaneous
Omamori (a protective amulet sold in temples and shrines): I have noticed that many westerners are curious what is inside in this mysterious, colorful small packet and are tempted to open it (for those who are curious, it usually contains a piece of wood wrapped by paper). However, such action is generally considered disrespectful and distasteful in Japan.

Last updated: 4/10/03
URL: http://www.indiana.edu/~easc/study_tour/2003/accepted/
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