My Nose to the Grindstone

Yikes! This step has been stressing me out. It’s incredible that sometimes I feel that studying for seven hours after classes just isn’t sufficient. Knowing everything is not possible and that’s hard for me—to accept and realize my limitations. I called my big brother, Chad, to get reassurance for why the heck I am subjecting myself to this. He is an anesthesiologist in his final year of residency in Michigan and has listened to me and given me great advice. I don’t know what I would do without him. I got my assurance that this is the hardest year and probably the hardest semester of medical school, and that each year gets better. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. We had our first set of exams two weeks ago and most people typically fail. Our class was no exception. Funny how passing one of four exams can become a little victory and getting above the average (even if that is still really low) is yet another boost. My first real taste of failure—tough to take. I know that most people pass in the end, but failure is still scary and a very real possibility. Failing isn’t just about not passing. It’s about the pride involved, and I think most of us in med school have too much pride. It’s about the huge investment of time and money as well. But I am going to put my nose to the grindstone and do everything possible to make these worries about failing remain as worries and not realities. And I will keep telling myself that after working really hard for the next six weeks, I have Christmas break to look forward to. A few weeks to relax and see family and friends.